Sorry.

Sorry sa lahat ng tao na nagsasawa na sa mga kwento ko. Sorry sa mga tao na napapagod ng pagsabihan ako. Sorry sa mga taong nagsasawa ng samahan ako. Sorry kung palagi nalang akong malungkot. Sorry kung ginagawa kong mundo ang dapat tao lang. Sorry kung wala na kong bukambibig kundi ang pag-ibig. Sorry kung sawa ka na. Sorry kung napapagod ka na. Sorry kung ayaw mo na.

For you,

I am inlove with you, a girl who has someone else. I am inlove with you, even if I know you can't love me back.

Actually, it's not the feeling of being unloved that really keeps me broken right now. It's the gut feeling of knowing that you can't easily trust him. I can't stand the fact that you are so happy with him, when in fact he can easily do the things that he did to her ex-girlfriend. 

For 8 months, he was able to lie to another girl. He used you as an option. I don't know what could stop him from doing the same to you when he begins to get bored. 

What kind of guy would never ensure that you are safely home? Would let you go home late, alone? No one knows what lurks in the darkness of the night.

I remembered when you were sad. I remembered having to make you smile just because you are special to me.

I just want you to know, I am keeping my distance because I am securing my heart as well. I don't want to fall deeper inlove and be left alone again in the end, with no one to blame because no one told me to love you. I don't want to keep my hopes up.

I want you to know that I am happy for you. I will never stop from being a friend. I am just a text or chat away and I will never deprive you of a listening ear.

Me,

Heneral Luna

I have always been a fan of movies and television series, maybe that was the reason I took up ABCommunications in the first place. I love how a creative side of a person can be seen by how he interprets a story. However, I was never fond of historical movies, maybe because I somehow hated history (except my world history subject during my third year in high school which I really loved because my teacher was very good in explaining and keeping me interested in her supposed to be “boring” class). However, Heneral Luna became an exception.

It was the talk of the town for quite some time now due to its attack on the subject, its humorous punch lines which really got the crowd hooked, its great cinematography and storytelling, and its potential to open the eyes of the Filipino people to the harsh realities of politics and patriotism.

Being able to view a lot of tv series with a much more detailed screenplay like Sleepy Hollow and The Last Ship, I have come to realize that in every military operations there are always people who are willing to sacrifice the mission for their personal gain. Whenever a personal agenda weighs more to the person than the goodness of all, everything becomes complicated. Trusts are broken. Bridges are burned. People get killed.

This is a sad reality for us that even if we don’t experience war, we have our personal agendas. We treasure them more than being a better person. Greed makes us susceptible to committing crimes and taking advantage of other people. It is ok to want something. However, when we are willing to kill or put someone in danger because of our wants, then it becomes a problem. We are willing to destroy everything in our path just to get the things that we want.

If you were to be asked, would you love to die for your country, what would you answer? I guess it would be no. I asked my father once, what would happen if the Philippines would go to war with another country? My father answered that he would immediately bring to us to Singapore. He said that he would not risk fighting for a country in which the people leading it are the ones with the most to gain but with little to lose. I then stopped and ponder, is it really what has become of our country. We are poisoned by the thinking that we will be serving the people leading and not the country itself. It is a disturbing fact knowing that this country’s freedom was earned with sweat and blood.

But are we really free?

This is the question that really has boggled me. We are still tied to the countries that has once abused us, maltreated us and left our country almost dying.

I hope directors would see Jerrold Tarog as an inspiration to use films as eye-openers and awake dormant ideals in the minds of the Filipinos.

Dear Boy Tigas!

Dear Boy Tigas,

 I am writing you this letter not because of anger. I am writing this letter to you as a friend that has been caring for you all along. We have gone far away from each other. It seems like I don't know you anymore. You have become unpredictable, far from the usual you.

 I am writing this letter to help you, to make certain truths known.

1. Wag ka magsubsob sa trabaho sa pagiging officer at pagsisilbi sa school mo, hindi ka binabayaran dyan!

 Sobrang nawawala ka na sa radar, kung nandyan ka man, sadyang bad mood ka, pagod, nakakapa-apekto tae! You were the life of the party back in highschool, but now you're just the party crasher. Maraming di nakakaintindi nito, pero ako at yung iba mo pang tunay na tropa, naiintindihan to. Madalas tinatanggihan mo kami, at nasasaktan kami dun. Kasi sa lahat ng bagay, ikaw ang hindi natanggi. Pero sana wag mo iexpect na sa lahat ng pag-aya mo sasama din kami. Para quits! :)

2. Live in the moment!

 Sa isang special occasion, nakita kita, habang lahat nagsasaya, ikaw nagttrabaho. Ano ba naman yan pare? nakakaawa ka na kung ganyan ka, nawalan ka na ng balance sa trabaho at social life mo. Masakit mang sabihin to, pero siguro sirang-sira na din ang priorities mo. Ang college life ko, katulad ng sayo, busy at ang daming ginagawa. Pero I try to live in the moment, as much as possible, kasi ang trabaho di nauubos pero ang moments na pwedeng icherish, konting konti lang yan!

3. Wag kang maging Anti-social!

Ay shet, mali ata ang term ko, di pala anti-social kundi selectively social. Brad wag ganon, bakit pag samin busy ka, pag sa iba ok lang? :/ Sama mo naman kami sa Lasagna Trip mo oh! Miss ko na din kasing maging ka pigging out mo eh.

4. Don't expect the world to be tolerant of your mood.

Brad, di titigil ang mundo para sayo. Sa ginagawa mong lagi kang bad mood, ipplease ka ng ibang tao, pero naisip mo ba na pwede din silang mapagod at magsawa. Na pwede din silang tumalikod nalang sayo bigla, tapos maiisip mong di sila tunay na kaibigan kasi tinalikuran ka nila? Kahit tunay na kaibigan napapagod, di kami robot na sobra sobra ang tolerance sa pain, lalo na sa emotional pain kasi wala silang puso. Ang saging may puso, ang mga robot wala. Wag mo kami igaya dun. May saktong emotional tolerance lang tayo.

Naalala mo nung sinuntok mo ko nun, masakit yun aba! Ok lang, kaya pa ng puso eh, kahit umiyak ako kasi kaibigan kita at sinuntok mo kong mokong ka, ok lang. Pero yung nangyayari ngayon, nakakapuno ng emotional tank.


These are the realities you should know. Mahirap tanggapin at masakit pero kailangan. Masuntok mo man ako sa mukha sa next time na magkita tayo, it would be worth it. Atleast alam mo na ang mga nararamdaman ko.

It's disheartening to see that we outgrew each other. Pero it's more disheartening that you're going the wrong way. Sana makatulong to sayo, sana marealize mo na mahal ka naman pero you just have to learn. Magpapahinga muna ako sa pangungulit sayo, kasi hindi ko kayang nararamdaman ang mga bagay na ipinararamdam mo samin.

Hanggang sa muling di ka na busy at may time na para samin.

Lovelots,

Boy Pogi!

Trust issues

I am having a tough time trusting people. I have been trying to work alone for a long time now. It's not because I am a loner, not because I am arrogant enough to think that I can handle all things alone. Its not superiority that drives me to do so. Its that people failed me a lot of times. More times than I can remember, I was left hanging, with nothing to do but to make up for other people's incompetence.

I know a lot of I'm writing right now is harsh, but it's the truth. No matter how hard I try, its hard to trust others. When you've given your full confidence in them and they just fail you. And no matter how hard it is for you to make up for their lacking, you still do so.

And in the end, when all else fails, the blame is on you. Because you are supposed to lead. Why? Why? Shouldn't it be that leaders should just lay out their plan and let the team do the work with him supervising? I think it is how it should be.

Well, the world is pretty complicated and puzzling at times. Have to figure it out. Someday, I would.

Pain.

Its 2 o'clock in the morning

I'm drunk. I'm not sober. I'm not in the best position to write.

I don't know the place I am placing myself.

But I know the feeling. Slowly, creeping within my system. I have been rejected once again, I guess. At first I thought we had the same feeling. But I was wrong. Once again, I am hurt. I don't know what to write. All I know is the feeling. Being hurt and all.

I have been single for 3 years. Giving all that I am, I am still alone. It hurts, it sucks to be me right now. After all that I have showed girls I am alone. Damn! It sucks

It sucks!

....

Its 2:30 in the morning.

I don't know why I'm still awake.

I don't know how my body is going to wake up tomorrow, sleep deprived and all.

I don't know what I am waiting for, the coming storm or a warm and comforting hug.

Questions nagging, poking me every single second. I am restless, and I don't know why. Maybe its the caffeine I consumed earlier. But nope, this feels like it is something different. Like my body is just waiting for something. My eyes, though tired and sleepy, fights the urge to close.

Maybe, I am waiting for you. I just want to be within arm's length of you. I really don't know what to do.

For Her.

I know, this may sound absurd, but I think I'm falling deeply for you. At first, all it was was a mere attraction for the great qualities that you possess, but now it's something more.

I know we have a lot in common. The things we do, the things we like. Simple but absolute happiness, that is all I can feel every time we are together.

Every text, all of it stored in the private box of my phone. I don't want to share. I want to have you as mine. But, we're friends. All of our times together could be ruined by this feeling.

I don't want it to stop, but I have to contain it. To tell myself, that I couldn't even if want to. It's hard falling for a girl that you think you can't be with. I don't even know if you feel the same way about me. I'm afraid of all the uncertainty.

Irrationality, driven by blinded love could be really nasty. That is what I am trying to prevent here. I want to control my feelings for you. I don't want to let it explode and be wasted again because I rushed.

I hope, circumstances change. For now, I'm just happy to be your friend.....

A fresh new start

The night has ended. A new dawn arises. A promise of a better tomorrow. Something to hold on to, something to keep my head high.

I have never really given thought about my college life until today. I have once again survived a semester, but not just your ordinary semester. A semester full of stress and mishaps, full of toxic memories and people.

I have come to learn different things this time.

First, you could never please everybody. No matter how hard you try. No matter how kind you are to them, people will still betray you. Even if all you had to do is give them what they need and what would benefit all.

Second, not everyone who seems nice is really nice. Some people just hide with their charming smiles and sweet voice. Others are just as dark as others. Yet, even in their most deceptive form, you don't need them in your life. They would just add to the everyday stress you have at school.

Third, not everyone who seems to know everything really knows everything. Sometimes they don't even know what they are talking about and yet they want you to learn without even having to explain it right.

Somehow, I got out of the burden of having to live by these things because I learned things that will aid me in the continuous battle of life. As I embark on another semester, I know I will be equipped with more weapons and I will be more prepared as to what might come.

Challenged,

The past few weeks has really been a challenge of patience, ethics, values, and most importantly worth.

Troubled. Doubted. By-passed.

It was like everything that I've crumpled to pieces because of what other people told me, did to me, showed me.

Slowly, I find myself back to square one. To proving myself to all the people that was never a believer. So consumed by making up to the opportunities that I have lost because of another person.

Dreams, yes that's all that I have that makes me succumb to all them who don't want to believe in me. Doubters as I should say, who never gave me an opportunity to show them my capabilities. Non-believers who always thought I was no up to no good. Talkers who gives me lessons without even knowing my point and my stand.

All of them challenged me this past few weeks.

But then, I stood my ground.

I held my head up high. After sacrificing all and being unappreciated, here I am. Though stressed, still standing up and trying.

My worth will never be measured by the non-believers. It will be measured by the people who really cares enough to understand all my efforts. I know that I could never lead them to the fact that I can do stuff, that I have something to offer.

But just sit back, relax and enjoy! I will show you something